slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
