You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
