so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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