If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
