You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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