The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
there was a trapeze. enough said
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
