I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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