hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
