9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
