Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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