I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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