I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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