um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
