idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
