That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You may now shotgun with the bride
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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