He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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