So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
