i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
