i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Green mimosas i think yes
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
