You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
