The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
This house was built for laser tag.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize