just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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