At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
