My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize