Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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