Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
