Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
