Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
