u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
