Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
