Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
