he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
