I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
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THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
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Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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