She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
