He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
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We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
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One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm too high and old for this...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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