how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
and you fell through a lawn chair
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
