i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
