dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
what day is it and did you see me today?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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