I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
