I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
