I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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