What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
