Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
