i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
