South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
