At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
