Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
