You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize