Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
