I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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