he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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