WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
