i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
