3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
