Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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