I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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