remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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