FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
