You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
