Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I didn't notice because vodka
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
