I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
