I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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