dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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