i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
