I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
