I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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